Going to the Student Union as a graduate

As a student there was nothing better than a night out at the union. With endless amounts of cheap booze, cheesy tunes and great friends the student union became like a second home. It was at the student union where you created your best memories and the gossip shared the morning after the night before was never to be missed (unless you were lying in the foetal position next to the toilet too hungover to move.)

However, going to the student union as a graduate is a different story. Once you’ve realised you are no longer a student and never will be again, going to the union is an odd experience and completely different to your student days. You feel old, you don't know anybody anymore and all you really want is your bed. 

A night out at the student union as a graduate can go a little bit like this...

Pre drinks

Student: Oh no I’ve finished my bottle of wine. Time to crack open the Vodka!

Graduate: I’m just sticking to wine tonight I don’t want to mix my drinks.

Student: DOWN IT! DOWN IT! GET IT DOWN YOU ZULU WARRIOR!

Graduate: I definitely can’t down my drink otherwise I'll be sick and won't make it out.

Student: I’ve just vommed everywhere, what time are we leaving?

12:00am – Arrival at the club

Student: Oh my god, look it’s John from history! Oh and there’s Sarah from tennis! And look, it’s that guy we met here last week, let’s go and say hi!

Graduate: I don’t know anybody here.

Student: I am so drunk, I just got with this guy, he was a fresher but he was fit!

Graduate: I am being approached by 18 year olds. Step away, STEP AWAY!!

2am

Student: SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS!! SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS!!

Graduate: Hi, I’d like a glass of water please.

Student 1: Oh man, Ive just been sick on the dancefloor, I hope the bouncer didn’t see. Shall I go home?

Student 2: Urm no, its SAMBUCCA time!!

Graduate: I can’t believe someone has just been sick on the dance floor, I think its time she went home.

3am

Student: I can’t believe tonight’s over already. After party everybody?! 

Graduate: I can’t believe tonight is only just over, I think its time for bed.

4am

Student: Oh my god, this is the best goddamn pizza I have ever had in my whole entire life.

Graduate: I am not touching any pizza that costs 2 pounds, there is clearly something wrong with it for it to be so cheap.

The next morning

Student: I am never drinking again…until tonight!

Graduate: I am never drinking again. Ever.